Dating Guidelines
Often when talking with people, we discuss the problems with some of the people they or I have dated and the mistakes that could have been avoided. I've setup a set of guidelines which I'm going to list with a small description below each of the downfalls and benefits.
1. Don't date anyone with in 10 minutes of your home.
This is to save you from having to see them or run into them if things don't work out. And the 10 minutes counts for the way either of you would travel. Door to door should be longer than 10 minutes for both of you.
2. Don't date anyone you see at a routine place.
If you go to the gym at a regular schedule, or to a bar, or your workplace, these are the people you shouldn't date unless you are willing to never go back to that place you see the person at. This again saves you if things don't work out. Plus work usually is a bad idea since it could be against company policy.
3. Don't date anyone who was/is a friend of your ex.
Your ex's friend is now asking you out, or you want to ask him/her out. Bad idea. If you allow this then your ex might get angry or involved when you don't want them involved. This also discourages you from possibly cheating. If you date them and then later find out they are friends with your ex, then you might have to talk it over and decide if you both can continue. Don't avoid it, it will only lead to more problems.
4. Don't date anyone you met at a bar/club.
You aren't going to spend your life at a bar/club, you should not be looking for your love in this place unless you want to live at a bar/club. Most people at a bar/club are just looking to hookup with no strings, not date. I would also avoid these types of places for first dates since it will give the impression of just hooking up.
5. Do not date ex's.
Once you break up with someone, it was for a reason you thought was worth the trouble of going through a break up. Staying together with someone is easier than breaking up with them. So don't date someone you already broke up with, it just won't work. Unless they have made a huge life change, you really should avoid dating someone you have dated and discarded.
Now that the don'ts are completed, let's give you suggestions of what you should do.
1. Use online services
There are thousands upon thousands of single people out there that might interested in you and they all want to find someone the easiest way, and the internet has made it happen. It used to be classified ads in the paper, now it's even better and easier to do. The sites you pay to use are slightly better; the more it costs the fewer the people, but those same people are more committed to finding a match. Photos always increases the chances of finding someone.
2. Be honest
If you start to lie about who you are, then does the person like you for who you are or who you made yourself out to be? Post your best looking photo, but if it doesn't really look like you most of the time, then you should at least add a few other photos of you as you normally look. We aren't perfect, so you want someone who likes you for your faults as well.
3. Be picky
Whether you are looking at online profiles, or comparing date experiences, or sizing your date up to the perfect one for you; you should remain picky about things. Imagine your perfect mate, now put those characteristics on a list prioritized from most important to not that important. Further mark off the must-haves. If your date or the profile you are looking at doesn't have all your must-haves, then move on to the next. If none match your must-haves, then you either expand your search, or you start re-evaluating your must-haves. Must-haves are things you can't get along with someone if they don't have it. Clean-freak? Well could you live with someone messy, no matter how rich, beautiful, fun they are? This you must weigh and don't budge on your must-haves or you might be setting yourself up for disappointment down the relationship road. Don't think you can change someone, only they can change themselves.
Remember these are only guidelines for dating, they have kept me out of trouble as I started applying this guidelines, but nothing is perfect so of course there are going to be exceptions, but remember exceptions make up less than 5% of the situtations. We all think we are special or different, but that doesn't make us or someone else an exception.
1. Don't date anyone with in 10 minutes of your home.
This is to save you from having to see them or run into them if things don't work out. And the 10 minutes counts for the way either of you would travel. Door to door should be longer than 10 minutes for both of you.
2. Don't date anyone you see at a routine place.
If you go to the gym at a regular schedule, or to a bar, or your workplace, these are the people you shouldn't date unless you are willing to never go back to that place you see the person at. This again saves you if things don't work out. Plus work usually is a bad idea since it could be against company policy.
3. Don't date anyone who was/is a friend of your ex.
Your ex's friend is now asking you out, or you want to ask him/her out. Bad idea. If you allow this then your ex might get angry or involved when you don't want them involved. This also discourages you from possibly cheating. If you date them and then later find out they are friends with your ex, then you might have to talk it over and decide if you both can continue. Don't avoid it, it will only lead to more problems.
4. Don't date anyone you met at a bar/club.
You aren't going to spend your life at a bar/club, you should not be looking for your love in this place unless you want to live at a bar/club. Most people at a bar/club are just looking to hookup with no strings, not date. I would also avoid these types of places for first dates since it will give the impression of just hooking up.
5. Do not date ex's.
Once you break up with someone, it was for a reason you thought was worth the trouble of going through a break up. Staying together with someone is easier than breaking up with them. So don't date someone you already broke up with, it just won't work. Unless they have made a huge life change, you really should avoid dating someone you have dated and discarded.
Now that the don'ts are completed, let's give you suggestions of what you should do.
1. Use online services
There are thousands upon thousands of single people out there that might interested in you and they all want to find someone the easiest way, and the internet has made it happen. It used to be classified ads in the paper, now it's even better and easier to do. The sites you pay to use are slightly better; the more it costs the fewer the people, but those same people are more committed to finding a match. Photos always increases the chances of finding someone.
2. Be honest
If you start to lie about who you are, then does the person like you for who you are or who you made yourself out to be? Post your best looking photo, but if it doesn't really look like you most of the time, then you should at least add a few other photos of you as you normally look. We aren't perfect, so you want someone who likes you for your faults as well.
3. Be picky
Whether you are looking at online profiles, or comparing date experiences, or sizing your date up to the perfect one for you; you should remain picky about things. Imagine your perfect mate, now put those characteristics on a list prioritized from most important to not that important. Further mark off the must-haves. If your date or the profile you are looking at doesn't have all your must-haves, then move on to the next. If none match your must-haves, then you either expand your search, or you start re-evaluating your must-haves. Must-haves are things you can't get along with someone if they don't have it. Clean-freak? Well could you live with someone messy, no matter how rich, beautiful, fun they are? This you must weigh and don't budge on your must-haves or you might be setting yourself up for disappointment down the relationship road. Don't think you can change someone, only they can change themselves.
Remember these are only guidelines for dating, they have kept me out of trouble as I started applying this guidelines, but nothing is perfect so of course there are going to be exceptions, but remember exceptions make up less than 5% of the situtations. We all think we are special or different, but that doesn't make us or someone else an exception.
posted by Dread Pirate Niko at 4/10/2009 02:16:00 PM
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